Moments

There are moments in life that define who you are. Moments in life that shape the way you live, the way you think or the way you behave. There are moments that bring sheer joy and moments that strike true terror in your heart. Moments tend to be the striking memories in our lives, the moments that shape our very being.

Today my moments went from peace to panic to praise. I spent my morning like most mornings, teaching, talking and taking care of a million things. At lunch time I ran to the bathroom to quickly pee, wash my hands and then hurry back to the workroom. While in the restroom I discovered that I had begun bleeding. In that moment my heart went from peace to panic. I quickly made my way to my friend's classroom for help since I was thoroughly unprepared for such an event, returned to my room and called my OB immediately. After talking to the nurse, trying to sit through a normal teacher lunchtime filled with talkative adults, and getting a call back from my nurse who had to speak to my doctor, we decided to wait things out a bit and see what happened throughout the afternoon.

Trying to remain calm, I knew I had no choice but to put on a happy face. You can't exactly have a panic attack or break into tears while teaching middle school students. I reminded myself that if the doctor was concerned he would have had me come in immediately. So I waited an hour and when I went back to the bathroom I knew something was wrong since everything had started becoming worse. Now with no break I had to return to class and carry on business as usual. I quickly sent a text to my friend, who happens to be a vice principal in my school to rush to my room and cover my class. I called the nurse again who was on the other line and after waiting for a few minutes I thought I would return to class and wait for the call. Upon returning and missing the call I called back AGAIN and finally they decided to just schedule me in immediately.

Now the fear turns to panic.....I called my VP back and one of the administrators came down immediately and I left school, called Tim who was waiting for me in the truck to go and we rushed to the doctor's office.

On the trek up to the office we sat in the car in deafening silence, each left to his or her thoughts. I remember thinking:
No matter what, if God gives or takes away I will choose to bless His name because the same God I served 3 hours ago is the same God in control right now.
You truly have no idea how much you love a child until you are honestly faced with the thought that you might no longer have that child in your life.
I love this little boy with everything that is within me and I just have to let God do His thing.
No matter what happened in the doctor's office, I would not allow Satan to use anything to try and destroy our family.

After an hour and half of waiting in the office we finally saw a doctor who said she could tell there was bleeding and wanted to have an ultrasound done to check the placenta and baby, but that things should be okay because they were easily able to establish the baby's heartbeat. So we waited some more and then went back for an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed no problems, baby and placenta were okay. So the verdict was to send me home, take it easy and see how things play out over the next few days.

So we're home. I took it easy, sat down for all of Bible study tonight and let Tim do all the Mason duty. I'm resting and we'll see how the next few days go.

Today my moments defined a lot of me. The moment of fear when I realized things weren't as they should be. The moments of peace as God assured me of His presence. The moments of strength when I wanted to cry or crumble in panic, and as I write this the moment of praise that I get one more night with my sweet little bean. Because in the moment it took for me to understand I might lose my little boy, God reminded me that our entire lives are simply that, a moment in time.

I would post our latest picture of little bean, but Blogger isn't uploading photos, so it will have to wait.