I wish I could just have a good cry and let it out. By "it" I don't even know if it is frustration, sorrow, hurt, heartbreak, confusion, etc. Perhaps that is why I wish I could just cry and be done with it. Remember the days when you were little and you could just cry and then everything seemed to right in the world again? Someone wiped your tears, told you all would be well, and you felt like your world was righted again? I wish life were that simple some days.
Perhaps it is just hormones attacking my emotions. I just wish I could shake this unsettled feeling within me. Perhaps it is the enemy trying to weaken my defenses.
I suppose it is no help that I've been feeling awkwardly uncertain and out of place in this new role of housewife and mother at home all the time. Uncertain as to the future, what I truly desire to achieve, how to savor these moments. My heart was certainly not encouraged today with the sad news of another marriage heading to divorce court, especially since it was one that had just joined our Hitched group. I just can't seem to believe that I am in the stage of life where now rather than news of engagements or first pregnancies I am hearing about divorces. UGH. I hate it.
I soooo understand your feelings today. I too still struggle with stay at home status (although I do love it). I still have days where I feel like I am not contributing enough, as if being a mom and wife isn't "enough". :) But one thing I am sure of, your boys are soaking it up. When I think about the alternative things I could be doing instead of staying home, I simply steer my thoughts to raising, loving, holding, playing and talking to Lola and I know my time is better spent on her than anywhere else. I am so good at jumping into action and getting things done, this verse helps me, Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God" so just relax and be still, we serve a really BIG God :) We can ride this wave together girly - you certainly are not alone!
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