Sacrifice

I've always heard mothers talk about sacrifice for their children....and to be honest, I don't know that I've really ever had to sacrifice much for them. I enjoy doing things for them, so it's not like I'm missing out or losing when I do things for them.

Then today happened.

As we were preparing for the day this morning, MJD slammed my closet door and was messing with the lights to be silly. While I know this is a trivial thing, in our home it is something he has been repeatedly told not to do and corrected on several occasions. Plus, the door has been a little wobbly so I am afraid he will break it in one of those "fun" moments. (On a side note, he's been at his grandmother's house a few times this week, and his behavior has been a little off each day. Not sure if there is a connection to the two, or just a coincidence. But we've some how managed to veer a little off course with the great behavior we've had the last month or so.) I stopped what I was doing, told him he needed to go to time out and proceeded to lead him to his room. This sparked a rage of a battle with him! He was not having it, attitude flared; oh my where did this little Dr. Jekyll come from?

I carried him to time out, set the timer and proceeded to get things ready. SCREAMING ensues in the background. Time outs typically lead to quiet behavior because he knows if he settles down it will end. Not so this time.

I've been trying to pray "in the moment" of my need and listen to direction, rather than just responding to the situation. So I sent up a quick "911" and tried to be patient. After a few attempts at calming him down so we could talk I realized things were going south and fast! MJD was supposed to go to his grandmother's house this morning while I attended a breakfast brunch for a girlfriend from church. As I was thinking about my situation, a little voice inside started whispering, "Today he needs you. Are you going to be the mother and put him first? Are you willing to really sacrifice what you want for him?" UGH! Really God, but I'm trying to make closer relationships with the girls.

Sacrifice. I don't really do that well. I guess I don't sacrifice myself for them. Not really, not in my heart. Not always when it counts. I'm selfish, I want to be social, I want to enjoy friendships, I want to get out of the house and "play."

I threatened him with not going to his grammy's house to see if that would calm him down, knowing though that if he didn't I would have to hold firm. I called my husband to seek advice, all the while knowing where this would lead. MJD still in hysterics, I called the MIL and let her know that the play time had been cancelled. Now, I suppose I could have taken him to the brunch with me as a few other kids were going to be there, but in my heart I knew I wouldn't win the battle. He needed my attention this morning, to guide him, lead him, comfort him, and correct him. So I called and let my friend know I wasn't going to make it.

And while I miss that I "missed" out on social time with girlfriends, which I really hate to do as I still feel I am trying to connect and get involved in this stay at home mom world, my heart felt a strong sense of peace about it. We cuddled, watched a few minutes of t.v., rearranged an appointment, went to the store to get some party supplies for his upcoming birthday, stopped by CFA for lunch, ran into a few friends to play with (which was a great blessing for him to blow off some energy in the playground).

There was no fighting, no battles, no bloodshed today. I drew the line in the sand, held my ground and won the fight. I have a happy little boy asleep in his bed for a nap. And while I lost out on some time with girlfriends, the sacrifice was well worth it. I'm learning more and more each day the power of my intentional parenting. What it means to put them above my self, really above myself, not just in words but in deeds.

Small victory, yet victory all the same.