My moments this week

So I'm in. I love it. I need it. Beth Moore Bible Study has me hooked. Truthfully, I was very skeptical about the entire thing. I mean why are so many women in love with this lady and her work. Sounded too good to be true, and I didn't really want to jump on some kind of religious bandwagon. Been there, done that, been a fool.

This is different. It's not about the book, videos, etc. This time it's the real deal. It truly is a God thing. Beth Moore just happens to have walked the road and been through the bumps. And while I'll admit, I do love watching her in her outfits and listening to her like I'm her "girlfriend," the fact of the matter is she's just like me, broken and bruised and searching for a Healer. That's what I needed, to know someone else got it.

So after 6 weeks of sticking it out, facing myself in the mirror of my own life and not being happy with what I saw. Learning of my serious bondage to several things like pride, knowledge, achievements, etc. Dealing with sin, betrayals, resentment, trust issues, etc. This week took the cake.

Just when I think "it can't get any better" or "surely there can't be more tears, it can't get worse than that" God does it again.

So today's assignment was to isolate a moment that was shared with God this week. WOW, just one, impossible this time.

Day 1- Ashes instead of Honor- while there has never been an "emergency trauma" to my womanhood, there have been plenty of jabs and cuts along the way that seriously shaped and altered my heart in ways I never knew until I saw them for what they were. Never realized how painful different things became in my own life. Never realized I could be the same as Tamar, simply because I didn't allow myself to look past Satan's lies and see myself as the "handpicked daughter of the KING."

Day 2- To be a bride- "Our Bridegroom sometimes leads us to difficult places, but we can trust Him always to have purpose in our stay and never to forsake us." While I followed my wonderful earthly groom to this place, I never in a million years would have imagined the devastation that would occur in my life and in my spirit. I thought for a long time that it was a mistake, and perhaps it truly was in some ways, but knowing that even in this difficult place I can trust HIM to redeem it and have purpose in it has been a great comfort. Watching HIM change the understanding of what was my purpose in being here to HIS purpose in being here has refreshed my heart, given me peace and a hope for the future. This day changed so much of my paradigm on God as my groom, provider, and Lord.

Day 3- To be beautiful- Two quotes from the lesson that meant a lot- "I rarely meet a person who has come to trust God fully without painfully confronting the fact that she can't trust herself." I'm learning that now, and yes, it's painful, but knowing the One I can trust is helping. "I'd like to suggest that God sometimes allows us to be let down and disappointed in life so we will learn to set our hopes more fully in Him." OUCH! So true in my life.

Day 4- To be Fruitful- Some things that struck home for me today, all from her lesson:
" An unhappy woman usually needs a change of heart more than of circumstances."
"God-given dreams are the realm from which God can bring an even greater reality!"
" Our disappointment with God is often the result of our small thinking."

Of course God's timing is hilarious that this day and these things would be said to me following quite an interesting conversation with a close friend and coming up on a day when I would serve with little ones in church. I'm sure it made Him smile ;)

Day 5- To live happily ever after- Had to stop after this and ponder- "God surpasses our dreams when we reach past our personal plans and agendas to grab the hand of Christ and walk the path he chose for us." Are my dreams really His dreams? Am I walking the path He chose, or the one I did?


Through it all, God is showing me how he's turning my ashes in His beautiful creation. Truth be told, it's helping me better understand the ashes, and willing to let go of them.