Dear Mason

Dear Mason,

I love you, but I'm not sure how I'm going to survive the toddler/preschool years. Somewhere along the way, I must have lost a battle with you somewhere. The last few days you've been testing the limits and pushing boundaries and it's driving me crazy.

It seems like we do really well for several months, you behave well, listen, obey, are sweet, and then all of a sudden you revolt on me. Today I put my foot down and it was seriously rough. The morning was fine, I suppose, only 2 time outs and 2 spankings. But man oh man, I don't know what happened to you after shower time.

For months you have been doing a great job cleaning up your bath toys and putting them back in your bucket, then this morning you refused. We battled and battled and I insisted you clean up, but you refused, so finally I told you if you didn't clean up I would throw them away. STILL you pushed me, so after refusing and a reasonable amount of time I went in and threw them in the trash can.

Ugh, do you know how much it hurt to do that! I know how much you love your bath train. You started crying and saying you'd clean up. I got soft and gave you a moment to try and redeem yourself. But still you wouldn't pick it out of the trash and put it in the bucket.

Oh, the tears and crying. For the record, I felt like crying right along with you. As you laid down, naked by the way because you were so angry I couldn't put your clothes on, on the floor of your room and I tried to get you to calm down, I want you to know I was praying for you. Praying I did the right thing, praying you'll learn the importance of obedience, praying God would grant you more grace. You're my first little love so please be patient with me. I know I've made mistakes and am still learning the parenting thing, so I know God will fill in blanks where I fail.

You're so strong, so stubborn at times, so wanting to do it your own way. All good things at times, but in my heart I know that I must train you to do those things in God's boundaries. God has something great for your life little man, I know that in the marrow of my bones. Something greater than I could ever dream for you. I don't know what it is, but I know I don't want to get in His way, I just want to do His will for you. I love you so much little man.

One of these days you'll get it. I know God will get us there, hopefully we'll both make it in one piece :)

Love,

Mama