My family

I find that the older I get the more often I lose perspective. So thankful for a God who blessed me with three very real ways to see things differently. Sometimes taking the time see things through the eyes of my four year old is the best way to do life.
On our damp day at home due to Tropical Storm Isaac....which hardly brought more than a drizzle....MJD sat at the table to make me a present....he does these little drawings all the time and I usually just pitch all the random papers that float around. But today, today he wrapped it up in a bag, presented it to me and said as purely as possible, "I love you mama, this is for you." When I opened it up and said will you tell me about it he replied, "It's us. Our family. You, me, dada, Liam and Lincoln."

This is what life is all about. The moments of frustration, fear, apprehension, joy, success, struggle, bliss....all of it is worth it for building this world for them. Family.

What a day!

Yesterday we were busy! And super tired as littlest kept me awake most of the morning :(
But in spite of no naps for anyone we had a super awesome day....

Clap, Tap and Jingle class :) Little was so happy to find big and chase him around like one of the "big kids."

A successful dentist visit...big got his teeth cleaned, inspected and there were no tears or cavities!

Soccer season started up again. I was hesitant to commit again with the littlest on the way and all but after practice today I am glad we did. Big loved it and seemed much better at following directions and little loves to cheer and chase big!

Picture quality isn't great but all the photos were on my phone and most happening in motion.

Makes my heart smile

Doing homework together at the table before bed :) I'm a dork, I know!!!!

85 and counting

Dear little Lincoln,

There are officially only 85 days to go til your anticipated arrival date. In all honesty I don't know if you and I will make it that long, but we're working on keeping you in there til you are good and healthy enough to join us out here. So much of this blog is consumed with the day to day lives of your big brothers, that I thought while they are down for naps I would spend some time talking to and about you.

This pregnancy with you has by far been the hardest for me in many ways. But like so many of life's rewards, the hardest work always reaps the greatest joy. So I hope you never believe that because this pregnancy was hard for me that it wasn't joyful, because each day that you grow inside of me I know your Maker is stitching your little life a little closer to mine.

We had about 10 wonderful weeks together, but lately I have been extra tired and not sleeping well at night, so I just lie awake most nights and pray for you. (And then search ideas on Pinterest!) Your little life was not timed the way we would have planned as parents, and yet there is such an excitement that it brings to my heart. To know that you are so special and so important that God would form you into our world for His divine purpose.....gives me shivers to imagine the man you will be one day.

I keep wondering what your little face will look like. I joke with folks that you'll have black spikey hair and bright blue eyes because each one of you boys have such different features and characteristics yet look so much like brothers. Honestly, I've been trying to figure out a way to convince the doctor to do another ultrasound or get your daddy to go do one with me, just so I can see your sweet little self again. Crazy I know, you'll be here soon enough.

There has been a lot of chaos in the "circumstances" of our lives lately as your parents, but it has been a sweet season of peace, surrender and trust in God. I hope your little life can sense that peace, even now as you're growing inside of me. I never would have thought that the surprise of your existence would have been the guiding force and answer to so many of our prayers.

This go around we decided to not keep your precious name a secret....Your daddy picked your first name, Lincoln, which means "lake settlement"....not so amazing on the surface, but when we researched it a bit and prayed on it, it seemed like the contrast of the power of water in "lake" and the resolve in "settle" seemed like it would match your character. In searching the men of history with your name, you father was drawn to the wisdom and character of Abraham Lincoln. A man of conviction, integrity and the resolve to do what needed to be done, regardless of the opinions of those around him. I think it was that fact that solidified it for us. This deep desire that you would grow into such a man. I got to pick your middle name, Brandt, which means "sword, fiery torch, beacon." Aside from the fact that I just loved the name, I love that it contrasts the element of water with fire. Two of God's most powerful creations in harmony with each other, both powerful, necessary, and a balance to the other. In my heart you feel like this child of balance in our lives. A mix of settled determination with a fierce and fiery heart, our sweet Lincoln Brandt.

Not a whole lot in our home has changed too much for your arrival, honestly, with a move impending and most baby items just waiting to be put back into place somewhere, we're pretty aware of how things flow this time around. However, a whole lot has been going on underneath the surface of our lives as we prepare for your arrival, and I think that is the most exciting thing about your life.

Your biggest brother just can't seem to wait to meet you. Mason loves to come up to my belly and talk to you and kiss you. You don't seem to cooperate much on kicking or jabbing him. Liam doesn't seem to be too interested. I think he knows something is changing but other than my round belly his world seems to stay the same. You do seem to kick him off of me more these days when he tries to cuddle up on top of me :)

We're so looking forward to meeting you face to face, holding you in our arms and having you complete our little world! So until your arrival, I'll keep praying for you, eating your favorite Blue Bell Dutch Chocolate ice cream, and you keep yourself growing strong.

Love,
Mommy

Are you kidding me?

So lately my little has been screaming and patting his diaper when he pees! Eekk! I should be thrilled to get him out of diapers but he is only 16 months, we live a busy life and are in the car a good amount, so honestly I don't want to potty train yet, especially with a new baby coming who will require me to be still and stay put while nursing....but today he cried and hit his diaper and I figured I would go change him.

He was starting to poop, and so in a moment of, "should I or shouldn't I!" I just stuck him on the practice potty....hope it was a smart choice!

 

Disclaimer....nothing came of sitting on the pot...other than a smile and his first potty picture...but at least he was happy and will hopefully make the connection one day that poop goes in the potty!

Sleep and blessings

Last night all the boys were awake way too much!!! As I was tempted to roll over grouchy at them this morning, I looked at this cuteness. Sleep or not this day is certainly blessed :)

I don't have....

I don't have enough money to go shopping for whatever I want...
I can't go buy a new computer, even though mine is starting to deteriorate...
I can't just go to Publix for groceries and get whatever suits my fancy at the moment....
I can't walk into the mall and buy the first thing I like that I see on the rack....
I can't own a new car....
I can't buy my kids all the toys they ask for in the store....
I can't pay for my big house anymore.....
I can't buy birthday presents for my friends....

AND I AM THE FREEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE!

I buy every birthday present, Christmas toy and baby item on clearance.
I plan meals out as best I can so kids always eat free or we pick places to eat solely on kids eating free.
I wear the same things over again instead of buying something new because I want to.
I only purchase the groceries on my list.
I tell my children there isn't money for toys because honestly there isn't and they don't need anything else anyways.
I may very well have to sell furniture and toys and "things" in our home to downsize our life when we move. 

And for the first time in my life, I am okay with the fact that in the next 90-120 days we may very well be welcoming in to our lives a new little baby and at the same time packing up our life and moving out of our home....because I know the exchange of time is worth not having money.

I could very well go back to work and leave my littles and have the material possessions this world is so easily enticed by....I know because I've been caught in the trap. I've worked 50 hour weeks to pay for a home that we never lived in, to buy toys that we were never home to play with, to wear clothes that my husband never got to see me in, to go on vacations away to compensate for the time not spent with one another on a day to day basis, etc. And while it may seem weird to many, it is the only thing that makes sense to me. To be there every morning when my big guy gets out of the car at school, for him to hear my voice say to him, "Be good buddy, I love you and am proud of you." To snuggle my little one before his naps, to be the one he smiles at when he cries to have some one get him out of his crib, to no longer feel guilty when I have to leave him at the church nursery for an hour, or to go the doctor or run an errand by myself. Because my husband deserves a wife who isn't strung out on the stress of everyone else's problems at the end of the day that I can't absorb his stress or support him.

So while we may not have "everything" that we used to have in our life like we used to, I am so happy with what we do have. Our faith and hope is being securely tied to our Provider and not to ourselves. Our marriage is intimate and safe, and there is wholeness, love and respect where frustration and resentment used to lie. Our children are disciplined by us, with our best intentions and out of love and not guilt.

And I am so incredibly grateful that I am married to a man who understands my deepest desire as a woman to raise our children, to stay home and nurture and protect them, and to be a homemaker, not simply because I am incapable of working or uneducated enough for the workforce, but because I want to with everything in my being.

VPK here we come!!!

I thought that since I've done the preschool thing before that this year would be a piece of cake for me....HA! While I didn't cry, I have to admit I did get more choked up than I thought....maybe just pregnancy hormones?!?!?

We did our normal first day of school photo....shadowing isn't great but the sun wasn't cooperating with me :/

 

 

We all went off to breakfast as a family like we do each year.

 

Finally, this year I remembered to get Daddy to take a picture of the two of us outside of school together :) 

 Hannah was walking in when we were, so we got to take a picture together.

 He looks so stinking grown up....how did that happen so quickly?

 His little band of buddies

 Upon entering he went right on in to his seat and started his activity, yeah!

 His teacher had him come sign into the class by writing his name and seeing what his job for the day was. Such a cute idea!

 Off to a great year with Ms. Brenda.

I should have come home for the day, but stayed in town with a friend, ran errands, had lunch with my man and then waited in pick up while the little one napped. When he got in the car, he was super happy and said he had a great day. (I had also surprised him with a little "first day of school" gift from Nena in his chair!) I was a little nervous about the long day since he's there past lunch now, but he did great. We had discussed that lunch bunch time wasn't going to be the end of his day anymore. 

After he got home he climbed up in bed and passed out with his new little race cars and is still sleeping while his brother plays and I catch up around the house. 

I am super glad he is off to a great start, but also kinda glad I get to keep him to myself tomorrow for the day before we go back to school again :)

Today

Today I woke up and snuggled my sweet little and the two of us got to spend the morning alone together as big guy was sleeping over at Nena's house.

Today I signed a contract for my house and now have to wait and see what happens.

Today I had lunch with a former co-worker and was not at all regretful of my choice to stay home and stop teaching.

Today I got to see my parents and just hang out at their house.

Today I realized that more than likely our littlest critter won't come "home" to this house and we won't be here for our first Christmas as a completed family.

Today I began to plan "Big Brother Bags" for my little guys.

Today we are officially 2 months away from having a 5 year old big!!!!

Today I had to hold just a little tighter to Jesus than I did a week ago.