Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17
I am anxious and hesitant as the days approach our ultrasound this week. It seems crazy to think I am already 18 weeks pregnant with my grande finale and almost half way through our pregnancy! Eek.
We decided to go ahead and do a reveal party.....I feel like this baby needs to be celebrated....so after the ultrasound we invited friends and family over for that night to learn if we are to have a little man or little miss :)
This pregnancy has been so incredibly completely different than the last two that everyone keeps saying it is a girl. I have wanted to have a girl so badly in the past that while my head says it is probably a girl my heart is quite okay with another little man in my life.
Part of me totally doesn't even want to know at all! Crazy, I know. Especially from this OCD, type A, compulsive planner and organizer! But I am just feeling so at peace and falling in love with this baby that it really makes no difference anymore on gender.
To be honest, I am a bit fearful.... Frightened maybe something will go wrong this time around, that I might lose this sweet one, that after all the trauma and tears and sweet surrender that something might tear us apart. Ridiculous I know, but it is there, lurking in a corner of my heart. I suppose I will just keep praying. Maybe it is just because at this stage and age in my life I am more aware of suffering and loss, or maybe because so many in my world have so recently suffered such loss that I find it hard to accept that I might have such happiness again.
I felt that way with Olivia too. I think as mothers we always fear the worst. Just rest in knowing that god has a plan for her , whatever that may be ;)
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