Changes

New Years Eve....we're 365 days done with 2013! In a few hours I'll go get dressed up, drop kids off with in laws, go to dinner with friends and ring in 2014 with my man. And with all the folks on social media shouting blessings and happiness over the upcoming year, I can help but think back to the year we just completed. What was learned? Was time lost? Did I utilize my gifts and resources? Did my year in review make God smile?

I sure hope He smiles on me. I want to live a life that makes it so.

So below are my top 13 of 2013:

1. Tim took on some big responsibilites at church being on the elder's team. To sit and advise our pastor about the going ons of a church, be a spiritual check, and encourager to a man who has to shepherd over hundreds of lives each week is no small task. That Steve would ask my man to be on that spoke volumes. Changes the way I pray over him to.

2. I have intimately learned the powerful force of praying over my man, my babies, our home, business, finances, well everything. God has been gently and ever so faithfully teaching me His strength through prayer. I started last January going through The Power of a Praying Wife and found it started the year out on a different level when I covered my man, my home, my family and my life in prayer.

3. I was diagnosed with and treated 3 different areas of skin cancer on my face. Crazy that this would be a highlight to my year. I know. Weird....but the truth is that the scars will never disappear. Each time I look in the mirror I see them. And I've learned that the scars are my story. Cause as much pain and struggle as each situation took to endure, I grew so much. I learned the power of beauty is more in the heart than the skin, that the strength of ones' friends and family can guide you through pain, and that at the end of the day, to give thanks for the "ugly beautiful."

4. I counted gifts.....and counted and counted and counted. I learned the power of seeing everything as a gift and how the miracle of this life lies in the thanksgiving of our gifts.

5. My biggest little started Kindergarten!!! Huge milestone in our home :) It was wonderful, terrible and amazing to walk him into his classroom the first day. My breath held, eyes misty, and wanting so much to scoop him up like the 8 pound baby he used to be, as he just let go of my hand and walked to his seat with a smile of excitement on his face. It was amazing to see this tiny little man child have the courage to go in, no tears or apprehension, and do his thing.

6. My littlest little survived his first year of life in this crazy world of boy :) Linc adds such a wonderful blend of happiness, stubbornness, creativity, and smile to the family dynamic. With this first year we survived bunking boys together, sleep training, teething, a full year of nursing, crawling and almost walking.

7. My middle little went through the transitions and changes of baby to middle child wonderfully. He is so flexible in going from playing the little brother role, to being the big brother. He sure has stolen my heart and I am very confident he will never give it back. He also conquered the challenge of potty training!!! Some days were quite hairy :) But we pressed on and having only one diapered child in this home is wonderful.

8. I got to spend a lot more time this year with my parents. Having them live close to us is a wonderful blessing. Some days it was a challenge, but all in all it was wonderful. It is amazing to see my dad and the big boys play and learn together. Mom is head over heals in love with little guy, and it's nice that she was able to experience life with him through all the different stages of baby growth, especially since she missed it with the older two.

9. I have really plugged in with an amazing group of women through our morning Bible study group. For the first time in many years I am building relationships with women and more than anything it is safe.

10. I have finally felt like I am making this stay at home mom gig mine. I have routines, I know what I can and can't accomplish in a day, I feel productive and the new normal is working well for my family.

11. My man and I have had a pretty steady year. Some years are hard on marriage, and we were prepared for some challenges as we have faced years with small new babies, but this year hasn't been the struggle we prepared for. Our home life group really grew and we have 5 other really awesome couples who choose to come each week and the time spent has just been really wonderful.

12. Our family's business has been more prosperous this year. Business is starting to pick up, clients are coming by, and there is hope with business for the first time in several years. It has been encouraging and refreshing. And with that, hubby took on some extra side work here and there which is helping to pay off some debts and medical bills.

13. I had my 30th birthday!!!! And with that, I feel like ending this year I am learning to listen to the small whisper of God's voice. I've been able to address some ugly truths about my self and who I really want to become. It's never easy to have to face things you don't like, but the freedom and hope in trusting Jesus to make you whole and like him is wonderful.

Heaviness

The past couple weeks of my world have been swamped with a million things on my to do list, demanding children, needy family members, a busy work schedule for my husband, and endless responsibility....so as I climbed into bed the other night ready to curl into a ball to sleep, with this aching desire to just cry, I found myself just feeling as if life was heavy. 

My heart burdened for loved ones......heaviness. 

My days busy with littles......heaviness. 

My nights filled with housework, homework and headaches.....heaviness. 

As my husband wrapped his arms around me to offer me his strength and comfort, he whispered, "You feel heavy because you are trying to carry burdens that you were never meant to carry." 

Ouch, truth. I know this....yet I keep finding myself back at this pace, this need to pick up a burden that isn't mine to hold. A need to control what is out of my control....and all it does is lead me to a place of struggle, frustration and heaviness. 

I need so much to cling to these truths, to hide them deep in my heart and have them spill forth more often so I do not take on the heaviness of this world. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

Matthew 11:28-30

Praise be to The Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalms 68:19

Second time around

As a second time mom, I've been thinking about all the things I'll do different, all the lessons I've learned and all that kind of jazz.....final conclusions are:

1. The reason you wake up at a certain time in the morning (or night) during the end of pregnancy is because God is really trying to be kind to you and train you on what time your baby will wake up. So just accept it, embrace it and move on. Hello 5 a.m. I believe we are going to become good friends for a while.

2. I am totally going to screw things up. My kid will still be okay.

3. Sleep training is awesome, but somewhere before 3 years old everything changes and they walk into bed with you at night and you never even know because you're so tired. I won't be so rigid on a routine this time.

4. I'm going to snuggle a little more and stress about the house a little less. Investing in a cleaning lady to do the work for me.

5. I'll listen to other people less and my own instincts more.

6. It is totally acceptable for me to wear pj's all day at home those first few weeks.

7. Labor is hard....otherwise they wouldn't call it labor. I won't feel bad for any choice I make on how to deliver my child or whether I use pain meds or not. I want to enjoy his birth as much as possible, not be so miserable that I need it over and then feel awful. No one gets a trophy when you leave the hospital for enduring the most pain, we all take our babies home.

8. My body has gone through some major changes due to pregnancy and it took 10 months to make happen, if I don't fit into my sexy jeans in the first weeks, or even months, it's not the end of the world. I'll get there in time and I am going to enjoy the mean time knowing I made a healthy beautiful baby with this body.

9. Sleep deprivation sucks....I am going to take care of myself and rest as much as I can while my boys rest. I won't say no to help and try to be super mom on my own. I need others in my life to pick me up and carry me a long. My husband really rocks in this area. I will let him know more how much I appreciate him.

10. I never have and never will be able to control things or make things perfect. These boys are not really even mine, as much as I try to tell myself they are. They totally belong to God and I'm just here in the meantime supposed to be doing what He tells me to do with them. I have to trust He knows what is best and will guide, protect, and lead all our lives.