Changes

New Years Eve....we're 365 days done with 2013! In a few hours I'll go get dressed up, drop kids off with in laws, go to dinner with friends and ring in 2014 with my man. And with all the folks on social media shouting blessings and happiness over the upcoming year, I can help but think back to the year we just completed. What was learned? Was time lost? Did I utilize my gifts and resources? Did my year in review make God smile?

I sure hope He smiles on me. I want to live a life that makes it so.

So below are my top 13 of 2013:

1. Tim took on some big responsibilites at church being on the elder's team. To sit and advise our pastor about the going ons of a church, be a spiritual check, and encourager to a man who has to shepherd over hundreds of lives each week is no small task. That Steve would ask my man to be on that spoke volumes. Changes the way I pray over him to.

2. I have intimately learned the powerful force of praying over my man, my babies, our home, business, finances, well everything. God has been gently and ever so faithfully teaching me His strength through prayer. I started last January going through The Power of a Praying Wife and found it started the year out on a different level when I covered my man, my home, my family and my life in prayer.

3. I was diagnosed with and treated 3 different areas of skin cancer on my face. Crazy that this would be a highlight to my year. I know. Weird....but the truth is that the scars will never disappear. Each time I look in the mirror I see them. And I've learned that the scars are my story. Cause as much pain and struggle as each situation took to endure, I grew so much. I learned the power of beauty is more in the heart than the skin, that the strength of ones' friends and family can guide you through pain, and that at the end of the day, to give thanks for the "ugly beautiful."

4. I counted gifts.....and counted and counted and counted. I learned the power of seeing everything as a gift and how the miracle of this life lies in the thanksgiving of our gifts.

5. My biggest little started Kindergarten!!! Huge milestone in our home :) It was wonderful, terrible and amazing to walk him into his classroom the first day. My breath held, eyes misty, and wanting so much to scoop him up like the 8 pound baby he used to be, as he just let go of my hand and walked to his seat with a smile of excitement on his face. It was amazing to see this tiny little man child have the courage to go in, no tears or apprehension, and do his thing.

6. My littlest little survived his first year of life in this crazy world of boy :) Linc adds such a wonderful blend of happiness, stubbornness, creativity, and smile to the family dynamic. With this first year we survived bunking boys together, sleep training, teething, a full year of nursing, crawling and almost walking.

7. My middle little went through the transitions and changes of baby to middle child wonderfully. He is so flexible in going from playing the little brother role, to being the big brother. He sure has stolen my heart and I am very confident he will never give it back. He also conquered the challenge of potty training!!! Some days were quite hairy :) But we pressed on and having only one diapered child in this home is wonderful.

8. I got to spend a lot more time this year with my parents. Having them live close to us is a wonderful blessing. Some days it was a challenge, but all in all it was wonderful. It is amazing to see my dad and the big boys play and learn together. Mom is head over heals in love with little guy, and it's nice that she was able to experience life with him through all the different stages of baby growth, especially since she missed it with the older two.

9. I have really plugged in with an amazing group of women through our morning Bible study group. For the first time in many years I am building relationships with women and more than anything it is safe.

10. I have finally felt like I am making this stay at home mom gig mine. I have routines, I know what I can and can't accomplish in a day, I feel productive and the new normal is working well for my family.

11. My man and I have had a pretty steady year. Some years are hard on marriage, and we were prepared for some challenges as we have faced years with small new babies, but this year hasn't been the struggle we prepared for. Our home life group really grew and we have 5 other really awesome couples who choose to come each week and the time spent has just been really wonderful.

12. Our family's business has been more prosperous this year. Business is starting to pick up, clients are coming by, and there is hope with business for the first time in several years. It has been encouraging and refreshing. And with that, hubby took on some extra side work here and there which is helping to pay off some debts and medical bills.

13. I had my 30th birthday!!!! And with that, I feel like ending this year I am learning to listen to the small whisper of God's voice. I've been able to address some ugly truths about my self and who I really want to become. It's never easy to have to face things you don't like, but the freedom and hope in trusting Jesus to make you whole and like him is wonderful.

Thanksgiving 2013

Hope this Thanksgiving was filled with joy.....thankfulness....and gratitude.....for the good moments in life, like the smiles and giggles, and the hard moments in life like the pain and the tears. Cause each struggle makes the smiles so much sweeter and each giggle makes the pain of life more tolerable, knowing that joy is just around the corner. 

In my world of potty training mistakes, sticky fingers, goopy tempera paint, boogies on chairs and squished bugs in unknown places :) I am reminded so often how much there is to be grateful for. 

God is always good....and I am always loved. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Family Photos....Take 1

I LOVE pictures! I take a ton, want a ton taken of us, (especially my boys), and love looking through them over the years. So when we schedule family photos.....it causes me stress. I want them perfect, I want my hair right, the boys to coordinate, the littles to be smile, the big to grin and I want that perfect, Pinterest worthy shot.....so when we pulled up onto the site where we were going to do our family pictures, I knew it was going to be a bust....

20 mins late for a sunset photo shoot. Crud, there goes the lighting....over the horizon!!!! 

With a cranky big who had a long day at school......

Two littles who wrinkled and crinkled their shirts.....

A hubby who hadn't tried on his shirt in so long it had shrunk.....

Outfits that were picked because we had just had a cold snap.....then on picture night the temp rose 10 degrees! 

Big one who saw friends inside the house and wanted to go play....

Rogue neighbor dog who tackled the littlest and caused screaming and more tears....

Tears.....coming unglued....disaster! Thank goodness we have an amazing photographer who smiled, laughed, and gave me hug....and was still able to shoot some beautiful pictures.....and said to me, we will try again next month :)

Pinterest worthy pictures just aren't my life....my life is messy, and stinky, and crinkled up with tears running down cheeks and sweat on brows. And snapping one perfect photo doesn't capture this idea of a perfect family that I want to have.....we are so far from perfect. Unless you include a perfect mess :) 

We're complicated, and late, and messy, and all over the place.....but we're real, and together, and what makes us perfect for each other isn't that we can take a picture together and frame it up for people to ohh over....we're perfect for each other because we're all we've got. God put us together and we've got to make it through this messy life together. One day at a time...one moment at a time....one picture at a time.....cause every single shot matters....perfect or not.

Last one may be my favorite......

Some things that make me :)

I'm learning to slow down and process moments. 

Not just run through my day and check things off a list. 

But to sit a little longer, hug a little tighter, and smile at the moments the boys give me. 

They grow up a lot faster than I realize and while my days sometimes seem endlessly long.....the years are flying by way to quickly.

Brothers playing in the hallway

"sleeping" in the shopping carts

Learning on his own....

Trying without training wheels....

So tired yet not wanting to let go!

Silence during a shopping trip!

Potty with the Middle

When we potty trained MJD I was in Costa Rica for 2 weeks. With my parents, husband and a maid full time for assistance......I also didn't have to worry about schedules, pick up, drop off, homework, crawling babe, etc.....

Yesterday I decided, enough was enough and it was time to potty train our middle one. Ugh, what was I thinking?!?!? About 15 minutes into the decision, just after I had spoken it out loud, put the kid in undies, I realized perhaps I am in over my head. But alas, I said it, we must commit, it really is time and I just need to get through it.

Day one....went as expected....accident after accident. Bean keeps asking for a diaper. He refused to poop. Morning was rough. He peed on potty post nap, was excited, ate M&M's and then had accidents the rest of the night. Ugh....we have a long way to go.

Day two....I just want to cry! :( One success....we have officially gone through our stockpile of undies and I have done two loads of laundry already. I am working hard to count my gifts today!

Day three.....fewer accidents.....struggling with poop, but I actually haven't been home for most of those situations. (Yet, I am still the one cleaning them up :( ) He is starting to understand the whole, stop the pee, call mama and sit on the potty. Now the goal is to get him to tell me he has to pee before he actually starts peeing! Oi vey! 


Updates will continue......If you read this before the week is over....PRAY FOR ME! I need it!

We have some moderately wonderful success! We are 95% mastered with pee....and about 2% mastered with poo....I will take what I can get! 

Thank The Lord for mini M&Ms :)

Blasting off into ONE!

It is crazy to believe that we have seen our last 1st birthday party in this family?!??! How is it possible that our littest has finally turned one??????

CRAZY! 

So for Lincoln's birthday we had a Rocket Theme party :) I loved it. This time around it was so low key, super easy, and just fun. Kinda like Lincoln, super low key, easy and fun!

We kept the guest list simple and focused on our family, closest friends, and Lincoln's baby buddies.

He loved the excitement of everyone in the house.

Cake smashing took a little warming up to, but once he figured it out he had a blast!

Then add to the fun the excitement of presents and finding toys and snacks buried under tissue paper and he was in heaven!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET BOY!!!! We love you, Lincoln!!!

Just past midnight

The clock just creeped past midnight and we are officially on Nov 2, 2013.....your first birthday! 

Crazy how a year has come and gone since the day you were born. Lincoln, I wish there were words this side of heaven to express how much I love you! 

     

  Happy Birthday Little One!!!! 

Happy, Happy, Happy

Our computer died at the beginning of the year. Our wonderful MacBook which we have had since MJD was tiny with everything I had was on it, every photo, project, file, song, movie of the boys, you get the point! Money was tight when it happened so we didn't bother replacing it. 

Money is still right but not as suffocating as before, and while it will take a couple months to pay it off, Tim has been working a side job at home in the evenings so he isn't too worried. 

So this morning when he said he wanted to go to Apple and buy a new computer I let home entertain the thought. Post nap time, with three kids, pj's packed for the long drive home post dinner, we packed up and bit the bullet! 

Here she is, our new family computer! 

As I type on my phone she is restoring my old files and photos and my heart is Happy, Happy, Happy! 

I know it was a big purchase and perhaps we should have waited....but I am kinda a little glad we didn't! 😉

Heaviness

The past couple weeks of my world have been swamped with a million things on my to do list, demanding children, needy family members, a busy work schedule for my husband, and endless responsibility....so as I climbed into bed the other night ready to curl into a ball to sleep, with this aching desire to just cry, I found myself just feeling as if life was heavy. 

My heart burdened for loved ones......heaviness. 

My days busy with littles......heaviness. 

My nights filled with housework, homework and headaches.....heaviness. 

As my husband wrapped his arms around me to offer me his strength and comfort, he whispered, "You feel heavy because you are trying to carry burdens that you were never meant to carry." 

Ouch, truth. I know this....yet I keep finding myself back at this pace, this need to pick up a burden that isn't mine to hold. A need to control what is out of my control....and all it does is lead me to a place of struggle, frustration and heaviness. 

I need so much to cling to these truths, to hide them deep in my heart and have them spill forth more often so I do not take on the heaviness of this world. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

Matthew 11:28-30

Praise be to The Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalms 68:19

Kindergarten here we come!

My big guy went from a bundle of baby into a bouncy 5 year old in the blink of an eye! And down in the south we start school super early....must be because by the end of May the heat index is astronomical already! 

So a couple weeks ago we made lunch, ironed uniforms, filled out tons of papers and off to kindergarten we went! 

Big guy totally loves it! I felt like a wreck but held it together....at least in front of him. I wanted to linger in his classroom longer....but he sat down and did his thing and I just had to kiss him and walk away..... That is SO hard sometimes. Especially for this "want to control everything on my life" kinda girl. 

"Is it the right choice?" "Should I home school?" "All day?!?! He will be gone a long time!" "What if he gets hurt, or someone hurts him, or he gets in trouble, or bullied..." The enemy had me in a  tailspin of emotions, doubts and fears. 

And then I prayed....and peace whispered to my heart. "I love him more than you do. I am always with him. I will not call him to something I will not walk through with him. Just trust me." 

This whole making choices for your kids thing is hard! So many options and opinions and voices in the world, all often well intended, but sometimes difficult to discern. 

So on the first day of kindergarten my big dude wasn't the only one learning lessons. I had some of my own to learn. Like letting go just a little, trusting a whole lot more and staying in constant prayer. 

And now, weeks into the year my dude is doing great! His teacher is fantastic, he loves her and his new friends, he has mastered buying lunch, new classes, staying on his behavior chart and even moving up to the amazing "blue level" and his first week of homework. Always love how beautifully God takes care of everything! 

Blog Apathy and Absence

I've been silent.....strange in my world. Not that things haven't been happening in our lives over the last few months....quite the contrary. In fact so much has been happening that I kinda felt the need to simply enjoy the moments with my loves and save the online stories for another day.

God has been moving....in small whispers as well as loud shouts in my heart and in my world. And with each painful layer of me He has been removing I find at the end of the pain a beautiful new layer of Him in my world....more another time.

And so, over the last few weeks my heart has started to become more attuned to the words to place with the emotions, the stories to tell and the pictures to post. So I'm back.

More posts later....my biggest little just crept out of bed!

Teach an old dog new tricks

My dad isn't a "baby" person....,he is quite out of his element with them...hence why capturing this photo was AWESOME!!

Kindergarten Round Up

I struggle with how quickly the childhood stage is passing with my big little. I feel like I just have birth to MJD and then somehow this week we had to go register for kindergarten an do a tour of the school! 

I will say that I was quite impressed with the way the school ran the event, the gift bags for the kiddos, teachers, all of it. And my standards are typically unattainable by most. 

I am just glad he isn't starting kindergarten yet! Let's enjoy the summer together :)

Cool Dude

We went shopping for VPK graduation clothes....and this is what my "cool dude" picked out! 

Also needed to rock his sunglasses and hat all day!!! 

6 Month Moose

           

 

Oi! Hard that half a year has passed by already with our littlest!!!! CRAZY! 

He is the sweetest little who talks to himself, giggles at the bigs, loves to nurse, not so much a snuggle bug, average sleeper, amazing napper and all around perfect fit for our crazy crew! 

His 6 mo stats were: 19.6# and 29"

He isn't sitting up or moving enough so we have to work on that, but he is doing well otherwise. Hates cereal and baby food, loves pasta sauce, nursing and his Sophie toy! 

Mother's Day 2013

Holidays like Mother's Day get hyped up with images of all the fun mom should be having and all the relaxing and special treatment. Maybe I am a grump....but there was a lot of "prep" work on my part for me to be able to have a goo day :) LOL! Tim did try very hard to make the day special. We went to church, lunch at Selmons, shopping in Brandon and then busted both grandmothers. Busy day but ubber blessed!!! 

My first last

Yesterday we said good bye to our baby swing....it served us well....all our babies slept so peacefully in it. Had it not been for the fact that my little moose was too heavy for it (and literally made the motor stop because he was too heavy!) we would still be using it....my moose is getting bigger and soon we will be parting with more baby stuff! Bittersweet :)

Last CT&J....

My big little just finished his last Clap, Tap and Jingle....after three years of once weekly music class, he is all done....mixed emotions as we exit this stage and move into the next!

43 Stitches

I just took off the dressing to a wound on my face.....I don't know what hurt more...the wound or the sight of the wound.

I wanted to cry, but I can't my eye is too swollen and the stitches too tight. The best I could get was a text to my girlie about crawling into a hole.

My husband stood by me, wanting desperately to help, or to support me, or comfort me, I'm not quite sure exactly. I wanted to scream at him to leave; I don't need an audience, I don't want to see you look.

I want to scream....but I don't even know what I would say. It's just my knee jerk, normal gut reaction...to feel something and become "unglued."

So I stood there and stared, cleaned it out with Q-tips and lathered Polysporin. What is this? This stillness, am I numb? 

I literally feel like I am trapped within something....and then I realized the name of it.....PEACE. A stillness so powerful I can hardly move. A power completely not of my own. A promise of more than I can see.

It's not easy to stand within the peace. It seems foreign in a way. Unnatural, if you will. A part of me wants to throw a "two year old" tantrum, get bitter and ask "why me?", be angry, run to fear. I know those reactions, I've been there before.

A voice says, give thanks.....not for the pain, but through it. So I do.

I'm thankful for rich people problems....because with as little as I feel we have, we are rich.

We had the money to pay for the surgery. (It's all gone now, so we'll see what happens next week for the next one, but for this one we had it.)

I had the resources and finances to find the problem and treat it. And live in a place and time where it can be treated.

The solution was just surgery, 2 hours later and it's gone. No chemo, radiation, just surgery.

I had a bed and a home and food to come home to.

It wasn't one of my children.

My husband was with me through all of it.

My family is here to help me.

My friends have been by to check on me, deliver treats and even bring make up :)

I had to lay in bed for 2 days, but I have legs to walk, strength to stand, and a strong body. 

I will never be able to not see the scar on my face and think of that moment....when Peace stepped in. 

This is new territory.....painful terrain. I don't want to walk through these fields, but the promise of the flowers beyond brings comfort. The soil of my heart is shifting, I don't want to lose the seeds being planted. I want this root of peace to take hold in my heart.

My four month dude

At four months my tiniest dude is a whopping 17.4 pounds and 26" long!!! Not really very little I guess....we are in a pretty solid 9 month clothing situation and working really hard on being able to roll over that big ole belly 😜

Lincoln loves to squeal at the top of his lungs, flirts when he feeds which totally makes a mess everywhere and he thinks it is hysterical! Not so much, dude!

He is just sooooo stinking sweet ❤

Wendy's Visit

A sweet friend of ours who had move to Duluth a few years back made her way back to the sunshine state for a quick visit! It was super fun to see her again and we all had such a great time over the weekend!