Weekend away

So Tim and I spent our first weekend away from Mason. Yes, we left him with my sister and brother in law while we went to our friends wedding reception. Meg and Brian were married in Greece and then had their reception back home. It was so very nice to get away from home and enjoy some time away, but it was refreshing to come home to our sweet boy.

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.


Stephanie lead worship this morning with this song. It was wonderful to hear this hymn to modern music. More wonderful was the message it sent to my heart. I think in the past few weeks of searching and questioning, I finally received the answer of peace that I needed. Not so much that I have yet received the strength for the tasks ahead, but perhaps the peace to wait on the strength.

Psalms 37:3-9

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

Bob's death and his eternal life

I went to a funeral today, and it's striking to me the dichotomy of joy and sorrow that took place. Bob was the son our my first youth pastor, a boy I had briefly known from school and church, a friend of my husband's from childhood. I had heard of his death last week the day after he died, and I remember feeling a sense of sadness and a surprising sense of relief. I don't know where the relief came from, it was one I had never felt before. I can't say I knew Bob well and therefore the emotions I felt of the news of his death began to set my thoughts in motion. Is this the experience of a true Christian? Is this what it's all really supposed to feel like, sorrow for your loss but joy for heaven's gain?
I have always been a person that struggles with my faith because faith evokes me to believe in something I cannot control. It requires me to trust in the unseen and release the hold of power I so earnestly seek. For many years the question of death has been a challenge. I don't like the unknown, and while I know there is life after death the fact that I don't have a detailed step by step guide to follow leaves a lot of uncertainty for my over compulsive brain. Nevertheless, death in its entirety has always caused me concern. Over the past week, in the brief moments of quiet I very seldom receive, I have found that Bob's death has changed the way I view death. It's as if a sense of peace about death has washed over me. Bob's life faced many physical challenges that could easily have taken his life is a terrible or tragic way, and while the incident of his death is saddening, as I sat at the memorial and listened to the pastor share about the death I realized how gracious God truly is in taking Bob is such a joyous manner. I know that sounds foolish, death as joyous, but it's true. Rather than being in a medically sterile room with tubes or monitors due to a seizure or accident, Bob was enjoying the day with friends in the beauty of creation. It's interesting how he hand of God works in times of sorrow such as this to provide clarity and perspective to things one rarely contemplates on an everyday basis. The sorrow of the situation for those survived is that it takes such situations to make one contemplate the preciousness of life.
The grace of God was so evident to me tonight, not simply in the legacy that Bob left behind, but in the strength of his family. As a mother, I cannot begin to imagine the grief that Carolyn must have felt and will forever feel. The heartache Mark feels in losing a son would seem too much to bear, yet while they have the look of weariness in their faces and pain in their eyes, you can clearly see the precious power of love that is sustaining them. It is almost as if you can physically see God walking beside each of them providing them with each step, each smile, each tear to make it through the moment. I am humbled to see such grace, such strength, and such love. I know it is evident in my life, I think I have just too busy to be grateful for each instance.