18 Month Bean

Crazy how time slips away....no matter how much we try to hold on to it. 18 months old already!!!!

We finally went to the doctor...you weighed in at 25.6 lbs, are 33 inches long and growing well on the charts :)

In everyday life you have become a little bit of a holy terror on Spider-Man steroids! You climb anything and everything! There is nothing you fear (very much contrary to what your big brother was like!). You are learning the process of "time out" and have even begun to throw full on tantrums at home...yes, laying on the floor and screaming. Since I can't quite pick you so easily now I tend to just walk over you and ignore the fit, which is working for now :)

You are smart....crazy smart! I can see the wheels in your brain turning as you process things....mostly how you are going to go about causing some form of destruction or climb something in the house. Your vocabulary is still a bit limited but I am not too terribly worried because you communicate exactly what you want and how you want it. Right now you say our own version of "pipe", "mama", "Sugar", "Cookie", "Nena", you give me signs for "all done", "more", "bye".

You love to play with the iPad and think you are 18 months going on 5. Anything MJD does you think you should too. Climbing the high top chairs is your newest feat and you love to sit like a big boy. Baby toys are a thing of the past! Bring on matchbox cars and watching video games with your brother. You want so badly to figure out how to play Mason's LeapPad that it drives you bonkers. You growl like a dinosaur and think it something everyone should do back to you. And every time MJD leaves the car to go to school you start to cry.

I have loved the last 18 months with you Bean :)

Hello Monday

Welcome to my Monday and Thursday mornings :/ Attached to fetal monitors at SMH to monitor how well baby is moving and my amniotic fluid levels.

My OB is out of town this week, great! So since baby kicks and then stays still for hours, he decided to make me get monitored while he is out of town. Hearing the heartbeat is cool, the thought of seeing him on the ultrasound was good.....except for the fact he is now so big that you can't see anything but his back and butt :)

So we drive up to the hospital and drive back....and wait patiently for these tests to finish and baby to make his debut....definitely glad we haven't had to do these tests each pregnancy!

Final Maternity Photos

I did maternity photos with each of the boys in the past. Not that any of them will actually care, and we had planned to do them this time around a few weeks ago, but then weather rained us out.  Tim decided it was going to cost a lot of money, and we had the option to pay off a credit card instead....so being grown ups and parents of 3 small humans we opted to pay off the credit card :/

So this morning Casie (once again, have I mentioned she might just be the most amazing human ever!) made me document the fact that yes, I did indeed have a third and final pregnancy....

Side note....no one should ever be allowed to take pictures this pregnant....no matter what angle, it is just BIG :( But alas, in full disclosure, and in keeping things real, here is a very full term pregnant me to prove that yes indeed I was pregnant with this boy called Lincoln. 

Littlest Man Shower

I LOVE parties, when I get to throw them or just come as a guest....but to be the center of the party kinda makes me anxious....like a lot! And, it felt kinda silly to do a baby shower for the third baby, especially the third boy at that...but Casie insisted that "every baby needs to be celebrated" so she hosted the most ADORABLE "Little Man" shower! Aside from hanging out with the sweetest ladies ever, I absolutely loved seeing all of her touches, details and the creative eye.

Surrender

I am scared to tears about the fact that baby #3 is on his way....like possibly any day within the next 3 weeks.

3 WEEKS!!!!! That really is not very much time for your entire world to change!

This time I know better.....I know how hard nursing a new babe is....I know how difficult labor is and how much a delivery hurts.....I know how awful it is to be in pain after a baby is born and then have to care for this helpless new life when all you want to do is sleep away the next few weeks.....I know that sleepless nights make for cranky mothers (and this time around there are 2 big little lives counting on me to keep going)....I know husbands get left in the dust at times when babies require everything you have to give and more....I know this is going to be really really hard.

Yeah....literally scared to tears.....I try not to think of it...to ignore the inevitable hoping time will slow or something....it hasn't worked. So today as I unpacked diapers and wipes and baby items off my table from my shower last night I found myself surrendering.

I've found some things in life are pretty easy to surrender to God....my marriage wasn't too bad to surrender, my career was easier to surrender, relationships weren't awful to lay down, finances was a bit of a struggle sometimes, but letting go of motherhood.....this one is a doozy.

Every time I think I have won a battle and surrendered something to Him and am ready to move on, I find He is right around the next corner telling me, "Yeah, I want that too. Hand it over, lay it down."

Just when I got the hang of staying home with babies, when life got easy, my marriage got stable and strong, my parenting felt effective, my ministry safe, finances manageable, friendships predictable, my world got turned upside down.

So here I am, blinking back tears...confused as to wanting so badly to hold this baby in my arms and see his sweet face, yet knowing that his arrival will forever alter my world. Letting go of my power and control in this world of motherhood and handing over these broken pieces of pride and control. I have no idea how I will possibly manage, let alone thrive, in this crazy mix of boys. How do I care for this new life while caring for the others? How do I get groceries done, or make breakfast for littles while nursing littlest?

I have a lot of fears this time around....maybe more so than the first time I did it. Yet, I keep thinking back to the night this guy was conceived....and what I can't help but think about was the overwhelming memory of feeling like God was really doing something big in our lives. So I'm holding on to that, to the promise that He isn't going to leave me alone in this process, that He isn't up to no good, that this life is a precious gift, that I was made for this, that if He is going to bring me to it, then He will walk me through it.

Tonight I'm going to lay down mothering and surrender the job to Him, trusting that He will show me how to do a better job than I can do on my own.

A really big 5 year old

Well birthday celebration week has come and gone! Birthday fairy came with presents at home, birthday boy got lunch out with Nena and Papa an then a dinner at his other grandparents house with cousins. To finish off the week we celebrated with some of his school and church buddies for a hassle free but very busy party at CFA....which by the way was awesome! No work for me to do and we got to walk away from the mess at the end, and it was about the same, if not less money in total because I didn't go over board or stress out about party planning!

Post Pre-School pick up date

I love this spunky, funny, rambunctious dude who was the first boy in the world to call me mama. So when we had an impromptu date at Panera following school today, I found myself just staring at his sweet self and soaking in the short 30 mins of alone time bliss.

He is getting too big, too fast!

Lord, help me never take for granted this precious little man!!!!