Nothing I can do....

I feel like in my current state there is nothing I can do about things. It is out of my control. As I began to feel a dark head of anger, fear and resentment raise its head in my heart this morning I came upon these words in my Bible Study which brought me to tears.

Thank you sweet Jesus, for meeting me where I am at and rescuing me from myself.

My big blessing

Today has not so much been a fantastic day....(more to come at another time) but when we were all in the kitchen getting dinner ready my big grabbed the note pad off the fridge and asked me all serious "Mommy, what do you want me to pray for?"

He then proceeded to ask about important things in our lives...Nena and Papa selling their home, our family, more money, friends.

I need to keep my focus like that of my boy!

Doing something right?

I make a lot of mistakes as a parent. All the time. On a daily basis. I think the more I come to accept it the less I stress and the more I just pray about it. I really don't want to screw my kids up. Too many kids don't have parents and get screwed up, and I don't want to be the parent that screws up their kid. I also don't want to tick God off in messing up this little human He trusts us with.

In the midst of a fight between MJD and Daddy last night....of course over something ridiculous like wanting ice cream before bed....I stood in the hallway and prayed for them both. "Ugh, really God? Does he have to get angry about ice cream and fight with Daddy before bedtime?!" But in hopes of letting the two of them work it out on their own I kept my mouth shut and put Bean to sleep. They did compromise and tears (which for a male, MJD is great about turning on!) ended and then bedtime routine resumed......as I walked by his room on my way for a kiss and hug I hear the following....

Daddy: " Mason, what Bible story do you want tonight?"

MJD: "The one with the cross."

Most days it feels like we're swimming across the current, in murky water nonetheless, trying to raise these creatures called "Boys" into respectable, God fearing, independent, Jesus loving men.....and when I just want to throw up my hands and shout "I surrender! Take me away!" God gives a tiny nudge that maybe, just maybe it's not for naught. He can work around my failures, through my struggles, past my weaknesses and even when I'm sinking in the muck He's still just right there. I'm going to have to take Him at His word on this one. And keep praying I get the right seeds planted.

"You will always harvest what you plant." Galatians 6:7