Full Court Press

Today is tough. Blow after blow. The mallet of the enemy is heavy and each blow burns.

I cried. Body shaking, tear dripping cries. The first time in a long time. I cried, and then asked why.
Why now, why again, really? Another attack? Is this testing or trial?

All He gave me was silence. But I'm not scared of the silence anymore. I'm not scared that God won't answer, or won't show up.

I am mad.

Just plain mad. Mad that people cheat, steal and lie. Mad that sin has a consequence that hurts and disables. Mad that the sin of a stranger can and does so profoundly impact my life. Mad that the enemy thinks he has the right to try and hurt me.

And then part of me laughs inside. If the enemy is throwing darts my way, I must be doing something right. If he's trying to get me to go back to the sidelines then it's time I put on a full court press.

So I cry. I let the silence envelop me. Cause in the silence I know it's not the Father hiding His voice from me, but rather just letting me vent my emotion. Holding me close, like I would my children, and letting the tears fall. And when the sobbing stops, when the frustration leads to anger, it leads me to my Bible.

The words, HIS words, right there in black and white.

"when my heart is over whelmed, lead me to the Rock that is HIGHER than I" 

"Come away with me a while and rest"

"vengeance is mine," says the LORD. 

"you need just be still, the LORD has gone before you to fight the battle" 

His promises. The Word of the MOST HIGH GOD. The struggles in this flesh are many. I so greatly struggle some days to understand those words. But not today. Today the words are water to my dry and thirsty soul. Healing words to wash away the sting of the enemy. And today I understand, fully and truly, maybe for the first time.

There is power in His words. Game on.